Girls and Chinese TV

About three years ago, I took a writing workshop in San Diego.  It was one of those extension courses through SDSU that turned into monthly meetings in Del Mar with some of the people from the course.  I enjoyed that workshop for a couple of reasons. Mostly because it was surprising to see what people wrote. For instance, I would have never guessed that this one woman lived and worked in Africa with her husband for half her life.  Also, it got me writing. Like photography, I don’t think I am the best but I enjoy it and people seem to enjoy it on some level.

While taking this course, there was an incident that happened with a female coworker that got me thinking about the way girls communicate. I began to write an article about it and came up with a list of rules for which I believe apply today.  I call them Girl-Speak Rules and I recently stepped right into #2 She Means What She Says (Until She Changes Her Mind) and #3 Avoid Confrontation (Let Someone Else Do the Dirty Work).

I won’t go into too many details but I had been planning something fun for some people and I had enlisted the help of two of the women that work with me because they know a lot of people and seemed happy to help.  This thing turned into a bit of a monster and several times along the way, I had asked these women if we should proceed with plans or just cancel the event – they weren’t really following up on their end.  But they just smiled and said of course, it will be fun. Well, push came to shove; I ended up canceling the event with both of those girls encouraging me to continue.  It was actually a bit of a relief.  But I just had this nagging sensation that something wasn’t right so I did a bit of diggy, diggy and I found some dirt.

Essentially, these two women had been going around town saying a bunch of crappy things about the event behind my back as the event began to become a bit too big.  And I guess for me, I find that all too often with some women.  I don’t know if that they just don’t want to be seem as uncooperative or only want to be seen as nice… or even worse, some are just that catty, but many women don’t seem to communicate directly.  With some women, it’s like a maze of signs, conversations, mind readings, and talking with others before I find out what’s really happening. If they didn’t want to do it, just tell me. And it was two other women who told me about all of this after the fact and my other question is… why didn’t they tell me this was going on?

The confusing thing for me is that one of the girls involved has texted me several times since the cancelation to hang out.  Huh?  I would prefer for us not to be friends.  It’s much clearer that way. I understand venting about someone but to consciously undermine someone behind their back while smiling at them is just weird to me.

I feel fortunate because I believe the women in my life who are very good people. I have built a very strong circle of women around me who are confident, loving, kind, and communicate well.  I feel so fortunate to have these people in my life, especially after what happened with that event.  I would blame China, but I am afraid she is free and clear on this one.

As a side note, I am sitting here a café and on the TV is a Chinese show with a masked man trapped in a gold net floating in the sky surrounded by another man with a gold face praying, a flying tiger, a dragon, and clouds.  Wait! Two monk-types just entered the scene and I think they are going to fight… Oh. And Britney Spears in on the radio. Sometimes, China is awesome.


  1. I think that is why men can find women so frustrating. You’re lucky to have some other women friends who can speak up and tell the truth.

  2. Kate Freeman

    It is really difficult to navigate the ins and outs of communicating with females. The games are brutal and exhausting. Sorry that happened to you. Glad you are cherishing your true girlfriends! I know that I can count on one hand the true friends I have and have had – and that’s for my entire life so far! Love ya, Claire!

  3. That’s no fun.

    Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind….

    Keep your head up. The good news is: you have Turkey to look forward to and we love you!

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